I'm scared.
I'm scared of a lot of things like horses and maggots. Rational things like death and spiders, and irrational things like power outages, and microwaves.
I'm scared of bugs in my bed.
I'm scared of bugs in my hair, and eyelashes.
I am scared of the dark.
I am terrified of not having a Mom.
Scared of straws getting stuck in my throat and scratching the back of my mouth.
I'm scared of worms. Earthworms, heartworms, flatworms...etc.
I am scared of having to many fears.
I am scared of waking up one day and having nothing.
I am scared of what people think about me.
I am scared of running out of new things to try.
I am scared that I will always be who I am right now.
I'm scared that one day, I won't be able to control my anxiety.
I feel like someone is watching me right now.
I am scared of Marijuana
I am scared that Girls won't get around to liking me.
I am scared that things won't mean anything to me anymore.
I am scared that everything I have, all the moments I have collected will disappear. And I'll know they are there, but I won't be able to get them back.
I'm so scared all the time.
I'm scared of the outside world and not being able to fit, because we were all born on third base. Not having the experience that I need, to know how to use a doctor's office, or a Redbox machine, or how to use the emergency room when I most desperately need it, or not knowing how to use a train, or a school registration process. I am scared of making promises. I am scared to break another fucking promise that I knew I couldn't keep in the first place, but made it anyway so you would be impressed with how much I know.
But I'm scared of first steps in new directions. So I'll bottle up these fears and keep them to hurt someone another day, for a rainy day when I least expect it. The bottle will break and I'll lose it.
And I'll lose you.
and you,
and you,
and you,
and you...
I am scared to say 'I love you'.
I am scared that I will run out of words.
I am scared.
I don't want to be scared.
But I always will be.
interesting fears.
ReplyDeleteWow. This is yeah, pretty fantastic.
ReplyDeleteIt's is cool how you express fears that we are all scared of but don't write down, like the straw scratching, and not having a mom. Way good post, super interesting!
ReplyDelete"They tell me to allow my fears to control my body for 10 seconds. And I won't be scared anymore."
ReplyDeleteI like that.
and "I feel like someone is watching me."
I like how you opened up, tings like this are stuff people are scared to say. But once it's out in the open people can agree. So thanks!
That was unreal... Hit my nucleus with some power.
ReplyDelete"I am scared that I will always be who I am right now."
ReplyDeleteI fear this as well. What if everything I needed to acomplish was already done? weird to think about I really liked this. Good job!
Suck me sideways. That is a darn good post, if I might say so myself.
ReplyDeletei love this!:)im afraid of saying "i love you" to, cuz once you say that you cant take it back... so why use it!
ReplyDeleteim so sorry about your mom but an amazing post
ReplyDeleteYour voice is incredible! we share some of the same fears to. "I am scared of what people think about me.
ReplyDeleteI am scared of running out of new things to try.
I am scared that I will always be who I am right now." i really like these 3 sentences :).
As I said in a couple of other people's posts, you helped me identify a lot of my own fears. But your post is different from theirs. I feel like yours gave me hope, seriously. Especially the line about bottling up your fears and letting them out another day. For some reason I felt relieved to hear that. Thanks a lot
ReplyDeleteThis is way amazing. Being able to express fear so clearly yet so vaugly is quite the talent. Great work
ReplyDeleteLove this post. What a gift. Made me cry and gave me hope. Carry on.
ReplyDelete"do we really fear the dark, or are we just afraid of our imagination doing our eyes job?"
ReplyDeletelove this post
ReplyDelete